With the holidays and family
gatherings coming up in a few weeks, I am awaiting that dreaded question that
every single 20 something girl hates… Are you dating anyone yet? For years now,
I have had countless coworkers, family members, church members, and close
friends ask the innocent yet most embarrassing question out there. Here are
individuals who either don’t know me too well or haven’t seen me in months or years
so they bring up the first thing that comes to mind. At times, it is difficult to
decipher if they truly do have an honest concern for my well-being/happiness or
if they are just asking the question to pass the time. But on the receiving end,
it is awkward and slightly uncomfortable. Now I am not saying that the question
itself is awkward, but it’s that tiny little adverb that follows the innocent
question: YET. It’s like I have missed the timetable or that they are surprised
that I haven’t found someone already. They then proceed to tell me how their
cousin twice removed or their neighbor found a nice boy on EHarmony or
ChristianMingle. Ultimately, leaving me to think that there is something wrong
with me for being single at 22, when in fact there is nothing wrong with me.
(sidenote) Actually, not to boast or anything, but I’m quite a good catch and
any guy would be a fool not to go after me. Wife material right here. Hahaha J
I am tired of allowing myself to get caught up
in the notion that if I am not dating or married in the next few years then I
haven’t succeeded or the fact that I am not good enough. It seems like all of
my friends (both guy and girls) come to me with their dating woes and need for
advice like I am Lucy from the Peanuts.
And I am sitting over here with no progress or even much experience in
the dating department myself. Bitterness,
jealousy, and discontentment smacks me in the face. It’s the exact thing that
happens when the little subconscious angel and devil fight in the cartoons. I
know one thing and trust in God, but at the same time I struggle with the voice
that tries to confuse, belittle, and destroy me. My sinful conceit and
selfishness demands to be victorious over me. Yet, I have been extremely
blessed and am in an opportune time in my life. I have nothing to complain
about, but unfortunately I do. I think
it is easy to always be looking for the next thing in life. Now that I have a
big girl job, moved out of my parent’s house, got my degree, it’s so easy to
say what’s next? A tall-handsome hubby? Kids? A year or two living abroad? A white picket fence house? A Dog? NO to the
dog!!!!!!! (sidenote: not going to happen sorry to my future family) I think graduating
from a four year Christian college probably didn’t not help this situation
anything either. While at school, it seemed like everyone had this strong desire
to get married right away and for those of us who didn’t, we were the
outsiders. I know that sounds rough, but it is the brutal truth. For those of
you who attended a small Christian college, can I get an amen? We would joke
and say that if anyone started dating in the fall or winter, there would be an
engagement ring by spring. It was so bad that people would act differently if
you had friends of the opposite sex. I couldn’t even hang out with guys without
someone asking me if I liked them or if we were dating, which for me as a
people person was not okay. Don’t get me wrong, I was and still am extremely happy
for all of my friends that did get the ring by spring and I love me a good
wedding/love story, but it seriously makes the other girls on the sidelines,
myself included, feel like we are just the “left overs”. There should be some
kind of movement to stop the unspoken pressure on these girls to find someone
at such a young age. And also, there is only so much pinterest -wedding inspired
-ooing and aweing conversations that one girl can handle. They swarmed the dorm
room hallways, bathrooms, and even gym locker rooms like some infestation of
bugs you couldn’t get rid of. Can’t we just talk about other things? No girl at 18, 19, 20, 21… and so on should
feel like the need to get married immediately following graduation.
Sadly, I started to become one of those girls
and deep down I think I might have. It totally sucks being absorbed by the idea
that since I am not in a relationship that there is this pressure to be.
Recently, I had someone very dear to me say, do you want to date just to date
or do you want to date to be in a relationship that could lead to a God
honoring marriage and lifetime together? I honestly had to stop mid sentence to
think about it. I have for so long thought the pressure to be in a relationship
would go away once I was in a relationship, but the fact is, there wasn’t even
any pressure in the beginning. Contentment was the real issue. Am I content in
my current relationship status? Is it God honoring? Will I be content despite
the circumstance or plan God has for me? It’s one of those things that you
don’t want to discuss but feel guilty about it because you know it isn’t what
it should be. On Sunday, I was once again reminded of how great my God is and
how contentment is truly found in Him. One of my pastors mentioned that the
beauty of the Lord cultivates thankfulness rather than discontentment. What great truth that is. We gain everything
in Christ. We are without need with Him. He is working in us and through us
each and everyday. Do I want to eventually be in a relationship that leads to
marriage? Heck yes, but I am no longer allowing this unspoken pressure from the
community around me, or the innocent but honest adverb YET rob me of my
contentment. I have found pure joy in something that will 100% of the time
satisfy me. I am praying that one day He will grant the desires of my heart to
find that special someone who wants to live a life together in a way that
honors God. Until then, I will continue to smile and live life to the fullest.
I am going to embrace every moment patiently of singleness. I may need some
encouragement and accountability along the way, but all I really need is the
love of God. I am a unique individual that
has great beauty, value, and passion for others. Bring on the living room dancing, cookies
parties, road trips, new adventures, Netflix marathons, cooking lessons,
healthy lifestyle choices, extra hours/days at work, and ministry
opportunities. I am trusting God through it all.
Thanks for tuning in friends! Until
then, Nos Vemos y Dios te bendiga (see you soon and God Bless)
Love,
L
