Well, Happy Valentines Day – to
some of you Happy Singles Awareness Day!
Today I started my new job in the ER. It was incredibly busy and
overwhelming, but I honestly say it was a great day even with people puking and
coughing all over me. I am going to learn a lot at this job, and I will
definitely be challenged with every individual case that comes in the doors.
Emergency Room nursing is a completely different world, and I could not be more
excited for this. I feel so blessed. For the first time in months, I feel
physically and mentally stable. Although I am completely exhausted, I can say
with no doubt that I will be able to sleep through the entire night for the
first time in a long time. Oh, how I have needed this. I can’t remember the
last time I slept decently and that has definitely made everything worse. My closest friends and family can attest to
that. I become grouchy, emotional, and super uncomfortable to be around. I
could sit here and tell you how hard the last couple months have been, how
every muscle/bone in my body aches/hurts, how I had to make a decision that
impacted my career which made a pay cut in my finances, how my heart was broken
or how once again I am dateless on Valentine’s Day. BUT I am not going to. That
would have been me last month; the girl who was so consumed with her own
problems and completed disregarded taking care of herself or others who care
about her. The anxiety that had controlled me to the point where I wanted to
distance myself from everyone and everything is no longer acceptable nor
warranted here. I was not happy which is strange because I am usually the
happiest in the room. However, this experience hasn’t been all horrible. If
anything, the last few months have been a period of growth and learning, and I
am thankful for them. I thankful that I
now have a deeper appreciation and compassion for my patients because I,
myself, hurt all the time and the doctors still don’t know what’s wrong. I can
only imagine how each patient feels coming into the hospital with conditions
much more severe and life threatening than what I am facing. I am thankful that
I have an opportunity to work at an amazing hospital that is literally 2
minutes from my apartment doorstep. I am thankful that I could spending tonight
being silly and enjoying the nice weather (for Feburary J) with other singles. I didn’t have to worry about getting all
dressed up or what I should buy as a representation of affection for my date.
Yes, I do love the cheesiness of this holiday and I do strongly have the desire
to one day have someone special to spend this day with, someone that can spoil
me with chocolate and flowers, someone that truly cares about me, but I am not
letting myself get caught up in complaining.
Because once I allow myself to get sucked in, I am going to end up right
where I began. I look around and see too much negativity at work, at home, and
in the world in general. It is so tiring and I never realized how annoying it
is, and I don’t want to return to the same patterns that has been so damaging.
For now, I am going to sit here all wrapped up in my heated blanket enjoying my
cup of hot chocolate while blaring my country music. Instead of constantly worrying or looking at
the negative side of things, I am going to employ a new policy of positivity.
The Lord is so good even amongst suffering, pain, and chaos. I told my roommate
today, “I don’t know what has gotten into me today, but I could not be happier
or more hyper.” Either one, I will take it! People love positive people. I know
I always want to surround myself around people who are happy and who make me smile. I desire to
be that kind person, that no matter what comes my way that I look on the brighter
side and trust God. I want to be that person others want to be around because I
make them smile and laugh (no matter how stupid/silly I have to be).
I WANT TO BE THE WOMAN WHO OVERCOMES OBSTACLES BY TACKLING THEM WITH FAITH INSTEAD OF TIPTOEING AROUND THEM WITH FEAR...
Thanks for allowing me to share
with you all some of the things that have been taking place over the last
couple of weeks! God is good all of the time!
Until next time… Hasta Luego
You are so deeply loved,
L
