As I sit
here in my apartment with a broken AC and bright red circles around my eyes
from crying on the phone with my friend for the past hour and half, I look like
a hot mess (no pun intended J). All this excitement of what was
suppose to be a chill night has caused me to realized that I have been too
consumed by validation from all the wrong venues: people, what they say about
me, and whether or not they like me. I know I have always struggled with this,
but as I head more into “adult world” I was convinced I would not have to deal
with it anymore. Wrong. It seems to come in so many different forms that I
cannot seem to master or understand. One of the biggest hindrances is social
media. I have said it since the 9th grade; social media is the
biggest time waster and self-confidence destroyer. Now I am not going to go and
say there are not perks of having social media: staying connected, enjoying
countless/mindless information sharing, and indulging by living vicariously
through the photos of others. I like the rest of the world enjoy the mindless
aspect of it. However, I am talking about how being consumed by it so much that
it is becoming a habit/addiction. I detest it. I sit down for a brief second at
work or at home, I pull up Instagram and scroll through the pictures, wishing I
was vacationing in that warm tropical destination, walking down an isle in a
fancy wedding gown to a man who looks with joy at his bride, or looking as
beautiful, breathtaking as some of the modeltastic girls that post pictures of
themselves with their all their designer clothes and makeup. If it isn’t Instagram, it is opening up my
Facebook/twitter/snapchap first thing in the morning or at night to get the
newest gossip or not even reading anything just the act of opening it up. It is
used as a numbing escape tool after I have a stressful day at work or a time
waster when I am bored with nothing to do. I am taking a break from social media
as I focus more of my time in studying the word, saving money to put a down
payment on my new home, spending times with friends and family, and working on
being healthier and my new interest of learning how to cook. I am not
unrealistic in my efforts in taking a break from social media therefore I have
set parameters. I am deactivating ALL of my accounts and deleting ALL social
media apps (Facebook, Instagram, Snapchap, Twitter) for at least two months.
You may say, well that isn’t that long, I don’t know if you can do it, or you
spent longer time abroad with hardly any Internet at all? Well, you are
correct. Two months will give me enough time to start better habits. They say
it really only takes 31 days to create a habit, and I am doing 60 just to make
sure. There is nothing wrong with validation, loving being connected, or just
having mindless activities to do. I am using this as a tool to help me focus
and turn my desire towards Christ. I am thankful for two wise friends tonight.
Thanks for speaking truth into my life. Whether it is through long awkward
pauses in phone conversations listening to calling me out by telling me to keep
it real, I thank you. Truth whether I wanted to hear it or not was just the
fuel to the fire that I needed. So if you are reading this post on any form of social
media, see you Oct. 15th! Please be praying for discipline and
perseverance as I will be working on something I have been struggling with for
a long time.
