A beautiful attribute of God is that He calls us by name, carries our shame, and tells us that we are wonderfully and fearfully made. His love for us is undeniable, and this example is evident through His willingness to die on the cross for our sins and provide for our every need. We are called to live a life glorifying God and illuminating His love for others. However, when we try to take matters of life into our own hands, we face the desire to please self and others rather than God. We try to define what our life should be and how we live out the best “version” of ourselves. It infiltrates our thinking, intentions, and actions, ultimately demonstrating where our hearts lie. For me, this comes in the form of perfection.
The struggle against perfection continues to present problems in my day-to-day life. To say I strive to be this perfectionist is an understatement. Even from a young age, I sought to achieve this version of perfection and learned very early on the brutal consequences of anxiety regarding failure, rejection, and pleasing others. As the years went on, this perfection developed into desiring to be the best student, friend, family member, athlete, nurse, well-rounded individual, etc. I wanted and (emphasis on still want) to be good at everything, even if certain things do not come naturally to me. The irony is that no matter how many soccer balls are kicked, cartwheels are attempted, or textbooks are read; some individuals are not meant to be good at everything. Trust me, my dance teacher will testify to that. The desire to pursue others’ approval, attention, and affection through my actions show fear of man versus God. Now, wanting to do your best is not necessarily bad, but it threatens one’s intentions and can show where their heart lies if there is a lack of grace and dependence on God. Our desire to do our best should come from obedience and love of God rather than the validation of man or self.
There is no denying that we all can struggle with the fear of man and the desire to please others. Yet, we should desire God’s recognition and give glory to Him through everything we do. I must challenge myself to always do my best in whatever I do while simultaneously relying on God’s goodness and provision in my life. This action reflects integrity, selflessness, patience, and humility. It no longer becomes all about me but rather all about Him. When I do not understand something or fail so terribly, where does my help come from? Well, my help comes from the Lord. I must recognize that I cannot succumb to this version of perfection that I deem necessary. In return, I will be able to reflect on God’s character in my life through how I interact with others, whether my patient in the clinic, a friend on the phone, or a stranger on the street. Going forward, I must ask sweet Jesus to meet me in the moments where the chains of anxiety bring me to my knees and I feel this overwhelming need to strive for perfection.
