Life in the present- God is in control

As I sit here at my desk with my pile of Kleenexes, cough drops, and everything I could possibly find on a college campus labeled Vitamin C, I just can’t even begin to describe my life at this current moment in time. Seriously, within the last 72 hours my life has literally been spinning 365 degrees and not stopping. I could point out all the negative aspects. I could pout. I could complain. I could even say that I am so sick that I feel like a zombie walking around, that I just really just want to go on a vacation, or the fact that I have a million things going on all at once. Although it is all somewhat true, I just can’t…  I can’t find it in me to be negative, stressed, or even just apathetic. This state, whatever it may be, is truly a blessing. For once throughout this entire semester, I am not studying for the next day’s exam, practicing a class presentation, or you know, doing that last minute editing for a paper (no I don’t procrastinate. Stop assuming J).  I have NOTHING, nada, zilch. I finally have the time to just sit, think, and fathom what has been going on in this crazy life of mine. As I begin to process, I want to share some important things with you first.  I want to start by saying; God is good all the time!  He has shown me through literally every aspect (both good and bad) of my life that He is present and that He is working in ways I can’t even imagine. He has shown me that even though I try to control the future and am constantly planning; he wants me to be still. He wants me to be with Him. He wants me to let everything go and trust that He is in control. (Psalm 46:10).

            I think it is just so easy to hop on board with the rest of the Western society and be so focused on controlling/planning the future. We loose sight of God and trusting in Him. Instead, we have this constant need to satisfy our want for more, or at least, we have that need to know what is going to happen next. It’s that sense of always pushing forward until we have gone to far, to a point where we have overworked ourselves or not met our own satisfaction. I do this so often. I have always been a future seeker. Planning, organizing, strategizing, until I got a good picture of how everything was going to be. But it wasn’t until recently that I realized how important it is to live in the presence. We so easily try to control what is going to happen next. We forget God. We forget that He is at work. I know it may be hard to process because of pain and suffering, but He is. His power is behind comprehension, and He is so good to us. Jer. 29:11, Matt. 6:34, and Isaiah 55:8-11. I am trying to focus on these verses and the fact that God is in control.

             I am living proof to say to you that He is control. Although I do not always know exactly what and how, but the one thing I do know, is that He always is. He is always in control, and He is always working. I can’t emphasize that enough. One aspect that God is working through me is for my passion for nursing and my passion for mission work. I have wanted to be involved in medical missions since the time I decided my life to becoming a nurse as a little girl. My church would put on a mission week every year where missionaries all over the world came and spoke. One year, as a third grader, I stood up on stage and told the congregation that I wanted to be a missionary and a nurse like one that had spoke. And still to this day I feel that calling on my heart and I dream of one day doing just that.  God has heard the prayers of my heart and the prayers of others! It is my pleasure to announce that I am going to be living out my dream as a missionary.  Graciously, I was chosen along with 15 other students to be a part of a semester abroad program with my nursing school here at Indiana Wesleyan University. Yes, that is right. Semester Abroad!! I will be living in Zambia, Africa in the fall for three months (Aug-Oct). There I will be learning and working in clinics, orphanages, and remote villages in Zambia. I can’t wait.  

            But it wasn’t until today when it all truly sunk in. I wanted to tell my professor about my acceptance. She has been such a great mentor and role model throughout my time here at the university. The minute I told her about my good news, she jumped up and down and screamed. I was totally not expecting that. Literally, full out scream of excitement. But then after a brief moment she looked me in the eyes with a few tears running down her check and said… I had been praying that God would work through you and that God would meet the desires of your heart. Wow, I was speechless. This whole time God was in control. I had no idea she was praying for me. I had no idea that she even cared.  As I conclude, I want to leave you with one last thought. If your world is running non-stop and you don’t feel like you can catch a break like I have, just remember that God is in control. Don’t just always be looking for what is coming next, but live in the present. Trust in Him. It is hard, but like I said earlier, it’s totally worth it!

Thanks for letting me share with you the great things God has done in my life.

Until next time, Adiós y hasta luego!  

Abrazos y besos(hugs and kisses),
Lauren 

His plan, His timing, a necessity

Today marks the one-year since my grandfather went to be with the Lord. I remember that night in the ER so vividly. I told myself that that everything was going to be okay, but I knew deep down that it wasn’t going to be. The moment when my dad asked me to go see him, I knew something was seriously wrong. I was so scared to walk down that hall to his room. It hurt me to see him, just lying there in that hospital bed in intense pain. I couldn’t do or say anything to make him feel better. Here was a man that was so strong throughout his life and always treated me with the upmost respect and his grandfather special treatment (spoiling me rotten). The next morning when I heard the news, I was just in utter shock… I had never lost anyone close to me. As my three-year-old cousin looked up at me at that same time, I couldn’t help but fake a smile to show her that I wasn’t hurting on the inside. This pain was more than I had ever experienced in my adulthood. Now that Grandpa Jerry is gone, I want to honor him and his legacy. He may not have been a superstar or a millionaire, but he was my grandfather, my father’s father, and my grandmother’s husband. And that is enough for me! He loved his family and most of all he was a strong Christian follower. He always knew how to have fun…card games, shuffleboard, beach walks, and even our Christmas holidays. I always think about the annoying, repetitive question that he would ask me, how many boyfriends do you have? Why don’t you have someone, you are so pretty and smart? I would always feel so great to hear him say that. He had such great confidence in me and always wanted the best for me. I knew he asked those questions because he wanted to make sure that I was taken care of and treated the way a lady should be treated. I have never been the type to be all boy crazy or even dated even my grandfather knew that, but that didn’t stop him from asking the questions. Now as a twenty year old, people are shocked that I have never been in a relationship. However, despite the constant battle of wanting a relationship, I have realized recently that it is necessary to have patience and trust in God’s plan for everything, including this issue.  God has always showed me his plan through it all, even if it wasn’t what I wanted at that time. I think of our society and the pressure for intimate relationships. There is a society demand for everything to be done early, graduate early, get a job earlier, get money earlier, get married earlier, have a true-American dream earlier….but in reality, we just need to slow down. More specifically, I need to slow down. What’s the rush? I am so young and have so many opportunities. I want to travel, to work, to learn, and to live, yet, in God’s timing. It is so hard, but in the end, I know it is better than I could ever expect. How cool is God and His plan? If I could tell my grandfather one thing, I would say thanks! Thanks for being a good role model for me, thanks for loving my family, and thanks for always having my back and supporting me in everything! I miss you, but I am doing all right. One day, I want to look back, and say that grandpa was right; I finally got one that treats me right! What a special day that will be! For now, I honor my grandfather and pray for my family as they remember his legacy. RIP Grandpa!
 

I am overwhelmed: blessings, dreams, and reality. I let go and finally let God.

Friends and Family,

As I sit in my dorm room this morning, I am overwhelmed by the blessings God has given me in my life. I do not have the appropriate words to explain how thankful and how overwhelmed by God’s everlasting faithfulness to me, even when I have the most ridiculous attitudes or do the dumbest things. Over the past year, I have had my ups and downs, always asking God why me and why not now. My selfish desires kept haunting me, and I seemed to be addicted to not only my plan for the future, but my timing. Everything had to be about me and about the now. Yet, I didn’t put into account God’s plan and God’s timing that logically, since the time I was a child, knew is the most important aspect in our lives. These desires that I had, for the grades, for the friends (and significant other), for the job, and for the international travel seemed to be haunting me every single day. Although the dreams and plans I have are beautiful and appropriate, my intentions were completely flawed.  What I wanted didn’t seem to be happening so I became bitter and apathetic, essentially giving up and not believing. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago when I realized to let go and let God. He has been faithful to me before so I asked myself why don’t I know He is going to be faithful again. It may not go exactly as the way I planned, but in the end, it is not for my glory, it is all for His. After going over the book of Joshua in church and having a ladies prayer meeting with wonderful Christian examples, I finally let go of everything and gave it all to God, trusting Him like I always have. When odds seem to be against Joshua, he didn’t give up, always knowing in the back of his mind that God is in control. How cool is that? Shortly after, God started answering my prayers in His way and His timing. Now, I feel stupid for the way I have been acting.  He has answered many of my prayers in ways I never could have expected.

1.     The grades

·      I am doing well in nursing school, and I am so thankful for the instructors at Indiana Wesleyan University. They are professional and personal at the same time, always striving to encourage students as they learn in their academic field and also as they grow in their walk with the Lord.  I have truly mastered learning; it isn’t for the A like I have always strived for, but it is for the material that you are learning: the steps to critical thinking, prioritizing, making mistakes and changing the way you do things in the future. I am so excited to finish my two years here and continue my education of becoming a nurse.

2.     The friends

·      I have always been blessed with friends, but after some disappointment, the friends around discouraged me and tore me down both spiritually and emotionally. I couldn't handle it. I felt alienated, alone, and unwanted. This period of time made me focus on my true Christian friends, and how I can be a positive influence on them and on those who are persecuting me. God has recently blessed me with new Christian influences and old friends that are always faithful, I am so thankful for every single one of them!

3.     The Job

·      Yesterday, I was offered an interview for an internship that I thought I was never capable of getting. Although I haven’t received the position yet or know if I will, I am honored at the thought of working my first nursing job in a hospital along with the possibility of keeping both of my other jobs of being a babysitter and a lifeguard. Either way, I am thanking God for his continuous blessings in my reality. I continue to pray that God will grant me the understanding and the appreciation for the fact I have awesome opportunities to love on others no matter where I work!

4.     The International Travel

·      After my big summer of international traveling last year, I knew for a fact that I wanted to go somewhere this year: mission work, study abroad, vacation. I just wanted to hop on a plane and go somewhere with my passport in hand. That didn't happen. But instead of being discouraged, I have hope. My timing may not be the right timing, but if it is part of God’s plan, then it will happen. Possibilities are on the horizon, and I pray that God will give me patience for His plan and timing and direction where He wants me to be. South Africa? Zambia? Guatemala? All possibilities, Stay Tune for what God has in store for me!

All in all, I guess what I am trying to say to you today is, Have Patience, Let Go, and Let God. I finally did, and look where it got me! To God Be All the Glory, Honor, and Praise. Whatever you have going on in your life in this current time, please know that God is in control. His blessings are overwhelming! Love to all,

Lauren 

A Love for New Words: spontaneity, unpredictability, transition

Words are a wonderful thing. Everything about a word fascinates me: the meanings, associations, even the sounds. And to think one of the biggest means of communication in this day in age has something to do with a word just amazes me. As many of you know me, I can be a bit of a stickler for rules. In fact, my family jokes and says I am going to be a future Nurse Ratchet. Ever since I was a little girl, I would run in fear of breaking one single rule and everything had to be routine or in order. I would cross my t’s and dot my I’s the same way no matter the time or situation. I don’t know why this is the case, but I think I was afraid that I would fail to meet up to my own expectations.  People say that your family expectations play a role in everything. Although I believe that to be true, I still think I was the center of every problem. I pushed myself too hard and was not satisfied with failing to reach my goal in sight. As I have been maturing throughout the years, I have loosened up the reins a little and have literally stepped out of my comfort zone: 3 international trips, 3 different part-time jobs, and two years of a college education. I have decided to be spontaneous. And I discovered the hurt, yet incredible joy of life. These new experiences have shaped the way I think about words and even the way I think about the human race.

           On this cold rainy night, all I can think about is the sadden world that we live in today. The Boston Bombing, the massacre at Sandy Hook, poverty, war, sickness, and dying orphaned children. It just makes me sick to my stomach. It is not fair. Why must children live in the slums of the streets and in the bitter chill of cold? Why can’t they have what I am blessed with everyday? Why are innocent people killed in seconds by hardened hearts? Why do people go to bed with no food, and I sometimes go to bed so stuffed that I can’t even breathe? Although I do not understand why these things happen the way they do, I recognize that there is a problem. A problem where people have lost hope, comfort, the Truth. And all I want to do is show them that I know a God that is there through it all. I know that His love is all we need. He is our Hope, Comfort, Truth, and Life especially in this hurting time.

            This past year I spent a few weeks in the outskirts of Guatemala City, Guatemala. I worked in an orphanage called Casa Bernabé, which houses about 200 children ranging from 1day to 20 years old. At the orphanage, I met the most beautiful children I have ever seen in my entire life. I cannot even begin to explain how much this experience changed my life and my view of the world.  Going into the trip, I thought that I would be able to change the kids’ lives so much. Rather, instead of changing their lives, they completely changed mine.  I am no longer the spoiled, self-centered girl that I once was.  I learned that the word, unpredictability, was a good thing. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into before the trip. I didn’t even know if I’d be safe. I now have a broader view of the world and a greater appreciation for life and the preservation of life. Also, I have this incredible understanding of God, and how He can turn terribly heartbreaking situations such as what happened to a teenage girl I met, and turn it into a life changing, on fire for God.  

             What I saw and discovered is indescribable and disturbing. When I would hear the stories about the children, I could not do anything but ask why would God let these bad things happen to these beautiful children. A person, let alone a child, should never have to experience these circumstances. To think, these children that I met live in one of the poorest countries in Latin America, and any hope from international adoption is far from a possibility. Despite all the wonder and the dismay from Guatemala’s adoption decision, as Christians we are called to love and care for the widowed, orphaned, sick, poor, and hurting. That is exactly what I am going to do.  I cannot change the situation, but I can make this tough situation less intimidating. Although I cannot take these children out of orphanages, I can bring joy to their faces. I can volunteer my time, my money, and my resources so I can show the love of Christ.  My heart is with those children. I would not want it any other way. Now in our own country after the tragedies in the past couple years, we are in a transitionperiod, after many years of happiness and success to a period of sadness, war, poverty, and even death. This period is extremely difficult to even comprehend.  With that being said, I challenge you all to pray. Pray for the hurting. Pray for the lost. Pray that we will find our Hope because He is all we need.  Be spontaneous and reach out to someone you don’t know. I know, the outcomes are very unpredictable. But you never know, they might be hurting in this transition period.

 Psalm 28:7 The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.