Nothing is impossible for God, He holds my world in His Hands

Nothing is impossible for God, He holds my world in His Hands

Like many college students, I have adjusted to a specific schedule. The schedule goes like this. I go to class, eat, study, work, finish my clinical hours at the hospital, and hope that each day I find enough time to sleep (maybe on average 5 hours each night). Some might ask me why do I put myself through that much trouble when I could easily take the “easy way out”. However, others say that this is the best time of your life or that it isn’t that bad in school. I, myself, disagree. I choose answer D. none of the above statements. College is one big test, a test that has an expected passing rate from society, from friends, from family. A test to see if you can successfully balance your strenuous academic schedule, manage a part-time job, exercise weekly, eat healthy, and somehow manage to find time to maintain social relationships with friends and family. It is impossible… there is not one perfect way to do everything, and trust me if there was I would already be doing it. I keep asking myself why, what is the purpose. Isn’t there some easier way? As I sit at my desk with piles of nursing books, I notice one thing. A picture. This picture is of a little boy. In fact, that little boy is my brother. The picture is taking BC: Before cancer.  The little things, such as the picture, bring back some memories that I never wish to relive and some that I wish I could hold on to longer. It was the spring of my first grade year when my brother got diagnosed with cancer, and I was probably too young to understand what was going on, but nonetheless I was terrified.  He had 6 or so grueling months in and out of the hospital. My parents took turns being home with me, and often times I would get sent to one babysitter to the next. However, all I wanted to do was be with my baby brother. He was and still is my best friend in the world. We are the best of friends and the worst enemies. But to think he could have died, I would be lost. I wouldn’t have known what to do. However, I do not want to dwell on the what-ifs of life, rather the what-now. The reason why I chose the nursing profession was due to the fact my younger brother had been diagnosed with AML Leukemia. I had watched the nurses take care of my brother each and everyday. They never let him give up, and they always gave my family and me hope for his recovery. Although I did not fully understand the medical issues that were taking place with my brother, I knew that he was sick, and I was very scared that I was going to lose him. The nurses were so helpful during this time, and they encouraged my brother to be the strong, brave survivor that he is today. I made up my mind that is who I wanted to be, and ever since that day, I have done everything possible to achieve it.  As school has started, I realized it hasn’t been and/or will be as easy or fun as I expected it to be. One thing is forced after another, one giant whirlpool of excessive information. At one point in the beginning, all I wanted to do was curl up in ball and cry for hours. I felt like I was failing the test. I lost the balance. No social life, too much social life, too much work, not enough work, you get the picture. But someone wise came behind me and said that everything is going to be fine, and I just have to focus on what is my purpose. A little boy, a family, a friend…Hope for the future. I can do it. Philippians 4:13. Not through or for me. Not through or for others. BUT Through God and For God. How awesome is that? He is my strength, and I thank Him everyday for blessing me for this opportunity to take this “test” and to have something so trivial like a picture to remind me the purpose behind my aspirations. 

My Plans, the Future, and Patience

I have always been a planner, always.  There is no doubt about that statement. It is a 100% accurate in every single way. Ever since I can remember, I was planning something. I, the sweet little blonde-blue-eyed girl, would carry a notebook around the house writing down my next plan of action that I created in my head from nowhere. Looking back, I can remember my mom and dad saying, “Lauren, What are you up to?” They could see it in my eyes. My sneaky friends and I would always plan sleepovers and outings before our parents caught on and could stop us.  It was fun and exciting, and I was notorious for doing the “scheming”. If someone could tell that the situation was planned out, then you could most likely count on me behind the plan of action. I was and in fact, I am still very good at that. I guess you could say planning runs in my blood. My organization and planning skills have been my best friend and worst enemy. Birthday Parties, Sleepovers, Proms, Outings, Vacations, Outfits, Daily Routines, Future Weddings (yes, Pintrest has also added to this addiction, but no, I am not a freak. I will discuss this later), the list can go on and on, I have planned to a T.  For example, my birthday is January 31, but December 1 I start talking about my birthday. I know, I know, Go ahead and call me crazy. I map out every detail of the situation at hand until I am satisfied.  In the end, I usually don’t have anything to complain about. As I am a bit older and wiser (hopefully) from the sleepover and birthday party stage, I have gone on to a different stage of planning, my life.  Let me tell you, this scares me to death. How am I suppose to know what is the next step in my life to take?  What is it going to look like? How do I get the details straight? Teachers always ask where do you see yourself in 5, 10, 20 years? Frankly, I don’t know, and I will never know. Hopefully, I will be out of nursing school in five years and getting ready to start my own family.  I dream of having the ideal “American Dream” someday, but to be completely honest, it is impossible to know the details of my future or even of tomorrow. I have so many goals and dreams that I wish to accomplish. Dreams and goals are wonderful, however, plans will and do change. Only God knows what is ahead in my life. Jer. 29:11. I am not perfect (despite my pride would tell you) and I have no authority of what is in the future. So then why is this important?  This is important because the more I discover God’s word the more I realize that He has my back. He is not out to get me, and His plans are the best for me no matter what I think at the current time and situation. Yet, I am still anxious. A very wise teacher once told me that anxiousness is the worry about what is unknown. Fear, on the other hand, is the worry about something that is known.  Wow, that is so true. We say that we are scared and we fear what is going to happen next, but actually we are anxious about what we don’t know. Surprises have never been a thing I enjoy.  I am the type of person that would rather know than not know. Sadly, I struggle with patience in the plan that God has for me. I try to create my own plan.  I am so blessed to have a God that loves and cares for me each and everyday!! I think about who I could be, where I could go, or what I could do without Him… what I come up with is nothing. He is the creator of all things.  So what I need to do is to slow down, listen to what God has to say, and wait for His plan, not mine.  My plans and dreams are great, but God’s are even better! I leave you with two verses that have been on my heart recently. I hope they speak as much truth and hope to you as they did to me.  Until next time, Adios y Dios les bendiga

 Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 

Colossians 1:11-14

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, ¹² and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you^[a] to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. ¹³ For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, ¹⁴ in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins

In the pull your hair out- scream at the top of your lungs moments

Writing is one of the many ways that people can express their feelings, ideas, and just anything random that comes to mind. If any of you know me, I love to write. Sometimes I write for fun and/or for school(but we won't go there quite yet), but majority of the time it is to clear my mind...Today, it is definitely to clear my mind, and there is a lot going on... Have you ever felt like you are on a never ending Marry-Go-Round and it is going faster and faster? And you feel like you are never going to stop? Well, let me tell you, that is how my life is at this current moment, a never ending Marry-Go-Round. I am stressed to the max, but I am taking some time to reflect on these last couple months and take some time to share some of the amazing things God is doing in my life. I am almost halfway through my second semester in college. Woah...did I really say that? I feel like it was just yesterday that I was picking out my first dress for my very first high school dance and deciding whether or not I should talk to that boy sitting next to me? The idiomatic saying Time Flies is completely 100% applicable and accurate in my life. You never really grasp time until after it is gone. College life is both wonderful and pain-stakingly hard. I love it and hate it at the same time. I live in a great-Christian community, and my relationship with God, my family, and my friends have grown tremendously. I have learned so much that it would be hard to truly explain the details of everything. As many of you know, I love to tell stories so much to the extent that I will tell them over and over again even if it is completely stupid and/or random. But I need to tell everyone about this story that has been on my heart recently. Everyday I look at this picture of this little boy (I will use the fake name Lucas for his protection) from Guatemala. I met him last year when I worked in an orphanage. Let me tell you, he was the cutest/most energetic three year old that I have ever met. Lucas would smile and laugh like it was the best day in his life. Over the short time that I was there, I had the best time with this kid. He had this joy in him that I have never seen before, and he is 15 years younger than me, speaks a different language than me, and lives in an orphanage. Completely different lives, but I just loved seeing his pure joy. I thought his situations were rough and unfair, which they are, but he has this incredible joy in him.  Here at IWU, I get to learn about Jesus 5+ times a week. What could be better than that? We have been talking about having peace with God, loving God, and how our relationship with God greatly affects relationships with others. It has really made me examine my relationship with God. How can I have patience with others, when I don't have patience to wait for what God has in store for me? How can I have peace with others, if I am not at peace with God? How can I love others, if I don't truly love God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength? How can I live my day-to-day life, if I don't appreciate that God gave up His Son's so we could have ours? We have a BIG God who is mighty to save. Hallelujah! He reigns forever! I am doing great, and God is so good. Craving Him makes this whole college thing less stressful. I have had less anxiety and stress that I have ever had during school. As you guys probably know, I am a Nursing/Spanish major, and God has been tugging on my heart for mission work. I don’t really know what that entails just quite yet, but I am ready to go where He leads me.  The first time I really felt God tugging at my heart was during the service when my pastor spoke about widows and orphans. I really thought God was calling me to go work and love on orphans, so that is what I did. That wonderful opportunity of going to Guatemala last spring has changed my view on everything. I thought when I would come back that I would feel accomplished because I successfully listened to what God wanted me to do. Yet, I feel like He is still tugging at me to continue loving on the orphans, the poor, and the widows.  He isn’t finished with me yet. The topic on orphans is coming up everywhere I go: in discussions, in class, and even in this Summit and chapel. I keep asking God what can I do because I am a broke, single college student.  This week I realized if it is His will, then I will have everything that I need. So in those moments where I want to pull my hair out and scream at the top of my lungs, I realize that God is with me because He is always with me. I sometimes forget. I look at that picture during these and ask me where is that smile and energy of that sweet little three year old. If he can be that happy, I can too. So that is it for this time… Stay tuned for next time. You are loved!

College: Sharing, Stress, and Smiles

Wow, time has flown by so fast. It seems like just yesterday I was searching for a college and trying to figure out what I wanted to study. Now, I am more than half way done with my first semester. It is so crazy to think that I am in college.  I am not going to lie. It is overwhelming at times, but at the same time I absolutely love everything about the college experience, the social life, time in between classes, going to chapel, and not to mention my own independence. It feels great to decide what I am going to do and when I want to do it. Within the first couple months of being here at Indiana Wesleyan University, I have learned so much about living with others, my relationship with my family and God, and a little bit of academic material (okay, that was totally an understatement! I have learned so much.)  I just wanted to share a blog with you guys and give you a little bit of insight to my crazy, new life.

 I have never had to share a room with anyone, and now I share a room and a bathroom with three girls. Can I tell you how hard it is at times to share? Me, the princess has learned to share. Mom, can you believe it? All those years you have begged me to share with my brother, and now I am actually doing it. My roommates…boy do I love my roommates and I don’t know if I could survive this experience without them, but at times, it is really hard to adjust to this new lifestyle. Like I said earlier, this is a completely new experience for Lauren, I have not really had to share anything… Four girls with four different personalities, four different living styles, and four different sleep habits all in one room. I am so thankful that I have adjusted to a routine, and it is getting a little easier each and everyday.  It is a constant battle everyday, but I think I am growing up and looking at things from a different perspective. Everything is new, and I am trying to take every advantage of life one step at a time.

I don’t think I have ever been this challenge with my schoolwork and my relationship with Jesus Christ as I have been here at Indiana Wesleyan University.  I go to chapel services 3 times a week and church on Sunday. It is amazing! One day this week we spent a whole hour singing the name of Jesus Christ. A whole hour of constant worship and giving thanks for what God has done for us.  I am so blessed to constantly be surrounded by Christians 24/7, and they are not just people that claim to be Christians. They are true, genuine believers and you can see it in their lives everywhere you go.  People my own age not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ! So cool! I can walk down the sidewalk on a frequent basis and see students praying and reading their Bibles. Another thing that our school focuses on is being a world changer in our community and around the globe, which is totally up my ally. It is such a great thing that people my age are willing to step out of their comfort zone and reach out to those around the world with the love of Jesus Christ. I am considering a 6-week internship next summer in a medical clinic in Honduras. I will get to work with nurses there and speak in Spanish.  This summer, I am so excited to be spending a month in Spain.  I get to represent my school by studying in a university in Seville, Spain. Man, I just can’t wait! God is so good. Words can’t even describe how thankful I am that I have this wonderful opportunity.

Schoolwork has been very stressful for me. As many of you know, I am a type A personality. I love to understand things and you know, good grades. I am kind of a perfectionist.  Luckily I am doing pretty well, but the workload and material is so much harder and demanding than anything I have seen before in high school.  Sometimes I just struggle understanding and I continuously have to fight the clock and learn how to have time management.  As I prepare to be accepted into the Nursing School next year, I sometimes doubt myself and wonder if I really have what it takes. I am so glad that I have people in my life that tell me to stop thinking that and remind me that I can do all things through Christ. What great truth that statement has.  I have never let anyone tell me that I couldn’t do what my heart is set on so why should I now? God has a plan for me. I have chosen to trust him. He knows everything. It is not going to be easy but I can do it if I am focused on Christ. I have always wanted to be a nurse. How cool would it be if I could help put a smile on a sick kid’s face like the nurses did to my little brother 11 years ago? 

Well that is my story for now. I hope you enjoyed the little insight to my crazy, new life. I send my love to my wonderful friends and family. Remember that God loves you, and I do too!  Have a wonderful week, and make sure you thank God for the wonderful things he has done for us.

‎5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, And before you were born I consecrated you; I have appointed you a prophet to the nations.” 
6 Then I said, “Alas, Lord GOD! Behold, I do not know how to speak, Because I am a youth.” 7 But the LORD said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am a youth,’ Because everywhere I send you, you shall go, And all that I command you, you shall speak. 8 “Do not be afraid of them, For I am with you to deliver you,” declares the LORD.9 Then the LORD stretched out His hand and touched my mouth, and the LORD said to me,“Behold, I have put My words in your mouth."- Jerimiah 1:5-9 ♥

The Things I Learned This Year: My Starbucks Coffee and Facebook addiction, Spanish is Awesome, Patience, and People

Hey Friends! There is something I am dying to share with you. If you don't mind reading this note, please do! I promise I will try to not write as much, but I can't guarantee anything.These past years I have learned so much, and God has been doing so many amazing things in my life. I am so glad that He has placed very special people and experiences in my life. I would like to say that now I am out of high school that I have completely learned how to be a mature, independent adult, but if I did I would be lying.  I am still dependent on my parents for a lot of things, and I jump on the trampoline every single day as if I was a 10 year old again. Yet, each and everyday I am getting used to the idea of doing my own laundry, paying my own bills, and even working for the things I need versus only the things I want( such as my college education versus my Grande Mocha Coconut Frappuccino Light Double Blended at Starbucks). Let's just say it is and has been a big learning experience for Lauren.  On a funny  note I have learned that I have a slight addiction to Facebook and Starbucks, and I have this fascination for different languages and for traveling the world (if you are reading this, you probably knew the first two if not all). But above everything else and on a more serious note, I have learned that I can have patience, and I have a heart that yearns for the lives of others. I am ready to just go and share the news of my wonderful Lord, Jesus Christ around the globe, but at this point in my life I need to slow down and get the kinks out first. I need to achieve my college degree(s) and be financially stable before I can go travel because as a 18 year old I have no money to do so on my own. My parents are starting to push me out of the nest, and I need to learn how to fly on my own. I am so glad that I have been able to see this because it is one more step that I can take to be that mature, independent adult. It is so cool to see God work in my life and the lives of others both here in the States and internationally. It only took what seemed like a thousand of years to figure it out, but sure enough I figured it out or at least started to.  I am still not quite sure what it is that I will be doing for the rest of my life, but with God all things are possible, right? I know that God has been testing me, and showing me that I am not as ready and "adult" as I should be to just go. Patience has been one of my hardest weakness'  that I have not mastered or even tried to look at. Now,  don't get me wrong, I am not even close to being perfect with it, but  it is becoming  more evident as a problem I need to fix in my life. One way I have learned by being patient is by realising I cannot have everything I want and waiting is good for me. If I don't get what I want, then it must be about myself and not be according to God's will. It is so hard to grasp this concept and is a constant battle, but victory has knocked at my door a few times this year and opened my eyes to see something truly amazing, God and everything about Him. I love the fact that I have been a Christian for years, but as I am getting older I want to make sure that it is known that I am a devoted Christian, and I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ!  I am a pretty busy girl, and I always tend to get anxious about the next thing on my schedule which therefore presents a possibility for impatience. I always worry about the bigger flower, and I forget to stop and smell the ones in front of me. If I totally lost you with my multitude of metaphors, let's just say I am always waiting for the next thing, and I am never fully focused on what I should  focus on. I have always wanted to travel internationally. I don't know when this love for other countries started, but ever since I was a little girl it was my dream. In the third grade, I wrote a paper on how I wanted to be a nurse missionary traveling the world and spreading Christ's love. As I got older, I thought there was no way on earth that I could do that or that I would be given the chance to travel. My freshman and sophomore year,  I was even asked to study abroad two summers in a row in Spain before I was officially allowed to with my Spanish program at school. One year half of the trip was already paid for because a student couldn't go and the trip was nonrefundable. My parents said no. They said I was too young, and it was too expensive. I was so upset, and I started losing hope for traveling completely. Earlier this year, I got asked again, but this time the parents were actually thinking about it. This time collectively as a family, we decided it wouldn't be the best choice due to our family expenses and going to college this year. So half heartedly, I accepted the decision although the tab for the summer program remained open on my computer for weeks. They said I would always have the time and money to go later. Now I am so glad that I didn't go on that trip and waited for the next chance because I would've missed so many more meaningful experiences that took place earlier this year and that are taking place now.  A few days after I finally closed the tab on my computer, my family and I went to a benefit concert for friends of ours and their mission trip to Guatemala. I felt God pulling at my heart during the concert, and a few days later I just had to send a Facebook message to my friend and ask how I could get involved. After this amazing project that friends at school helped me put on for the girls in an orphanage there in Guatemala, I fell in love. All of the sudden, my friend asked me if I wanted to go with her that spring. I was ecstatic, but there was a part of me that said oh, well this is not going to work just like the others didn't. But it was God's plan, and I am so glad He showed me that I just need to have faith, pray, and just be patient and wait. I am so thankful I waited for God's timing and God's calling on my first big trip like this. The day I knew I was going, I couldn't sit still. Once again, my impatience was getting the best of me again.  I was so excited that it was pretty much all I talked about up until a few weeks after the trip. Throughout the whole time, God used little things such as school and my brother to test my patience and faith in Him. When the time came to go to the airport, I happily woke up at 3:30am, which for a high school senior never happens. I had the most wonderful opportunity of a lifetime. I spent 5 days in an orphanage in the out skirts of Guatemala City, Guatemala. What I saw, what I experienced, it is almost indescribable. Those children and their situations are incredible in both a sad and happy way. One boy ( I am going to refrain from using his name due to safety) had burns all over his body. He was three,maybe not even that old! You could tell that these were not just your casual burns from hot water or the sun. These were permanent, deep burns. One day he kicked his shoes off at dinner, and I was going to help put his shoes back on. He cried because he was in pain and it wasn't because I was putting the shoes on the wrong way. I was shocked. I couldn't believe it.  I had never seen anything as horrific. I listened to some vague stories about the kids' situations (legally we are not allowed to know any of the details), and I just didn't want to listen to it anymore. I didn't even hear the worst parts about them. The day we arrived, they just received a new child at the orphanage. He was only two days old. It makes me just want to scream and break down sobbing just thinking about it. He didn't even get the chance to be loved by a parent. Although these situations are so sad to see and hear about, I learned so much from this experience, and I am pretty sure that they helped me more than I helped them. It almost sounds selfish, but to be honest I did learn so much during this experience. I cannot even begin to tell you how different it is there. First of all, they speak Spanish. With an exception of a few of the workers, my team, and the other volunteers, all the other workers and all of the kids spoke mostly 90% Spanish. I was eating it up! Thanks to some great Spanish teachers and my dedication in learning the language, I was not as lost as I thought I was going to be.  Despite the differences such as throwing away toilet paper instead of flushing and walking up a mountain of steps a hundred times a day, those kids were just like the kids here. They laughed, cried, and acted crazy. Before going down there, I thought they were going to be bitter and remorseful for being in an orphanage and their situation, but once again I was wrong. These  are probably the happiest and most inspirational kids that I will ever meet in my whole entire night. To me what seemed like they had an unfortunate life and so little things, was more than enough for them. They were thankful for what they did have. They were provided for and cared for at the orphanage. I remember  the Sunday morning when we went to church. The kids were singing at the top of their lungs during praise and worship time. There was one song where it said "preciosos hijos de Dios", which in English means precious children of God. It was at that moment where I lost it. I couldn't stop crying. A little girl turned around at me and looked at me the whole duration of that song and the next. Even to this day I can distinctively see her face and her big brown glassy eyes just wondering why I looked so hopeless and why I was crying during such a wonderful song. It will be something I will never forget. I know that those children may not remember my face or the Spanish name "Lorena" they gave me, but I know for a fact what they gave to me, will never be forgotten. They reminded me of God's great love and even if I have nothing compared to the world's standards, I still have Christ's love and that is all I need… So as I wait to see what God has in store for me next and before I jump to smell the next big flowers in my life, I am going to start with smelling the flowers that are right in front of me and enjoy them every bit I can: MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS